Just Your Average Supermarket Conversation

“Ah feed them tae ma bearded dragon!”

My hand stopped inches above the open box of Tesco courgettes as my brain tried desperately to digest the  meaning of this sudden and unexpected supermarket conversation-opener.  It appeared to come from somewhere to my right…and down.  I turned and found jammed against me a short, round, bespectacled woman looking upwards, smiling in greeting.

I looked down at the 8″ courgette above which my hand was now poised.  😯  Words failed me.

Whit? Bearded dragon?  Euphemism?  If so for what?  I looked again at my tormentor. I looked back down at the courgette….and prayed God that it wasn’t a euphemism.

I shuddered and looked back down towards the woman once more.

She had the look of a determined conversationalist…by that I mean a one sided conversationalist.  You can see it in their eyes; that desire to excrete a whole steaming pile of verbal diarrhea.   My head was about to take a verbal battering.  As the barrage broke around my ears a small part within the core of my brain that was still able to function slowly began to process the information…

Strange wee woman (looks again)…very strange wee woman

Fruit and veg section of Tesco.

Beaded Dragon?  Hmmm…big Lizard?  Possibly eats fruit and veg? 

Strange Very strange wee woman has a big lizard that likes courgettes!  Ta-da!

It transpires that not only does she have one bearded dragon…she has two!   And yes…she does feed them courgettes.  By this time I had picked up a butternut squash by its bulbous end, holding it upright in my hand.  I stared at the vegetable thinking that (in best Benny Hill fashion) it was an “unfortunate” shape in the circumstances.  Then I thought  “Please God…no!”

“Can ah feed them tae ma bearded dragon?”


8 thoughts on “Just Your Average Supermarket Conversation”

  1. And to think that a conversation point in rural France was what to do with the gluts of courgettes….up to now points for the weirdest solution went to the lady who used to bottle them, but the bearded (dragon) lady beats that hands down.

    1. First visit to that Tesco in years. Makes me wonder what escapee from Bedlam I’ll have thrust upon me next week.

      Most random encounter before that one was many years ago. I was sitting in front of a roaring log fire after a pre-Christmas lunch at a country hotel when a stranger plonked himself down in the big armchair beside mine and opened with the unforgettable line…

      “Whit dae ye know aboot clams?” 😯

    1. I looked Florene…but my head began to hurt…and that was only after the quote of the day!

      I prefer to think of it more from the point of view that a stationary target (even temporary) is obviously asking for trouble. 😀

      Maybe I’m just doomed to attract societies lost souls; take this blog for example… 😉

    1. Should be fine for a while. Apparently they watch you for weeks gathering evidence before calling in the boys in blue. 😀

      Fancy a bit of Manchego?

  2. I,ve played with bearded dragons.They are not easy things to hug.Maybe she was just after some softer love and affection Ken.Just a thought.

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